As a child, I wasn’t exactly the most popular of kids. I wasn’t super small or super short or overweight. I had as much athletic ability as the next kid, I could sing and act (and write!), and I was a smart kid surrounded by other smart kids. There’s no real reason I should’ve gotten picked on, but, for some reason, I was. In particular, I remember some girls in first grade who thought it was fun to make fun of me for my accent. You see, I didn’t have one. I spoke proper English, no regional dialect, no twinge of slang, nothing. Not only was I smart, I sounded smart and, I suppose, as if I thought I was better than them. That’s the only reason I can think of as to why I was the chosen victim. Anyway, one day, I went home and complained that these three girls wouldn’t leave me alone, but I didn’t feel like I had any power to stop them. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. Standing in my pink overall jumper (that my mom forced me to wear), I may or may not have started to cry. My dad, the genius that he was, reached into his briefcase and handed me a card. “The next time somebody messes with you,” he said, “hand them my card and tell them that your daddy is a lawyer and you could sue them for harassment.” I want you to picture this in your head: a little first grade girl with braided pigtails dressed in something made by Osh-Kosh walking up to another little first grade girl at lunch and repeating that phrase (pronouns changed, of course). I’m fairly certain that the girl didn’t understand half the things I said to her but, either way, she was intimidated. She left me alone from then on.
What I’m trying to say is that, sometimes, for reasons that seem really stupid, people will choose to make you the victim of their bullying and, even when it feels like there’s nothing you can do about it, there usually totally is, you just have to think about it/ask for help. Sometimes, that really stupid reason is that you’re gay or lesbian or bi or trans or something else that doesn’t fit into the stereotypical sexual orientation or gender norms (yeah, I still haven’t gotten past the big words phase). For a lot of GLBT (QQSIATSaO) people, that is exactly the reason. Let’s get one thing straight (gay…bi…whatever): this is a dumb reason to pick on someone. Most reasons to pick on people are dumb, but this is really dumb. This is like picking on the kid with red hair. Being queer doesn’t make you weaker or inferior in any way and doesn’t really affect anyone besides you. Still, an absurd percentage of kids report getting harassed or missing school because they’re GLBT and things like Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (which keeps queers from serving openly in the military, in case you’re not American/live under a U.S. rock) still live. We need to fight the bullies. We need a plan. That’s where PPB comes in. May we present to you the many types of bully (and how to handle them).
Oh, and I’m going to make you guess what QQSIATAaO means.
- Bully 1: The guy who calls you names
First off, you should probably feel bad for this guy. How bad does one’s life have to be that calling some other person names and bringing them down makes them feel better? Still, it’s a little hard to feel bad for the guy who makes you feel like dirt, so let’s focus on ways to get past that. First off, ignore her/him. If you don’t give their words any power, then that’s just what they’ll remain-words. If they’re particularly horrible words and phrases (especially those strung together that sound like threats), it’s probably a good idea to get witnesses around to vouch for you when you report them to the proper authorities (bonus points if the witness is a sympathetic teacher). If you’re particularly witty, a clever come back or snappy retort might be helpful in shutting them the hell up. Just don’t forget that this is a person. Don’t stoop to their level. Defend your honor, but try to be respectful. Also, be careful, because sometimes this type of bully can get frustrated and turn into…
- Bully 2: The guy who harms you physically
Never, ever start a fight. Please do what you can to avoid a fight. Please also remember that you’re not alone. If someone is harassing you physically, tell someone. Teachers, a counselor, the police. GLSEN (or the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network) has tons of resources on anti-bullying; please read them. Check online for local resource centers or Gay and Lesbian Community Centers (GLCCs). And, as much as I hate to say it, knowing some self-defense might not be a bad idea. You certainly don’t want to start a fight, but if you are in a physical altercation, you need to be able to get out of it. You have to be able to end it. Still, I beg, if you can avoid violence, please do. It never ends well.
- Bully 3: The guy who has all the power
Sometimes, the bully isn’t on your level. Sometimes it’s your boss or teacher who is harassing you for who you are. What do you do when the person you’re supposed to be able to ask for help is the one making you feel helpless? Well, in some cases, nothing. There are, sadly, still many places that can fire you because they THINK you’re gay, so if you want to keep your job, you have to stay quiet and find another way to fight (think calling your representatives). In other cases, you can do something about it. You see, there are usually people who are above this person. If not, there are other powers. You can file a harassment suit. You can contact the ACLU or Lambda Legal. If this is a school thing, you might be able to find another teacher who is able to stand up for you. Check the internet for resources as well. It knows more than you can imagine.
- Bully 4: The guy you rarely see
Remember that time Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was real? Yeah, that’s still real. Just like how a ton of states still have real Defense of Marriage Acts (which forbids same-sex couples from marrying) and some people can really get fired because their boss suspects that they might be gay (no proof needed, plus what kind of proof would you need for that, catching someone mid-sex act? why would you admit to that?). These aren’t your garden variety, Peek-a-boo, I see you bullies. These are actual laws and policies. There are people working very hard to keep them in place. What do we do? Work harder. Call people, picket, protest. Find ways to talk to those politicians who do have the power and urge them do what is right. Know what happens when a politician believes in something/thinks voting a certain way will get them re-elected? Stuff gets done! Try it.
Oh, and if you need some motivation, watch how it’s done.
I would like to add that most of this bullying, on any level, comes from the fear of things that are “different”. The best way to overcome this is to make yourself not seem all that different. I don’t mean hiding something about yourself, I mean getting to know people and force them to know you. They don’t like you b/c you’re gay, but then you come out as a huge Steelers fan like them or you both really love the Green Lantern. Letting people see that you aren’t different in a lot of ways helps them to readjust what they see as “normal”.
What I’m saying is put yourself out there on the individual level. Protesting is good, but if you can make friends, or even just acquaintances who can see you as a PERSON, that’s much better.
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