We Are Who We Are

This holiday season, I discovered the philosophical teachings of a truly great and wise teacher.

Tik Tok, Ya'll

No, I’m not kidding.

You see, for reasons that I have yet to fully process, I kinda sorta love Ke$ha (which I’m just going to refer to as Dollar Sign from now on because, even though it has more letters, it’s easier to type that than hit the damned four key every five seconds).  She’s so unapologetically ridiculous and wild and a hot damn mess.  She has yet to sing a song about not being drunk.  Drunk all day.  Drunk with drag bar.  Drunk with love (which leaves one hell of a hangover, let me tell you).  She’s one of those people who hasn’t exactly come out either way about her sexuality, but the queer community wouldn’t exactly mind if she ended up straight.  She’s a pretty terrible role model in almost every sense of the word. Almost.

It is here, with her new song, that we delve into her (and now our) new year’s philosophy.  Yes, she does speak of hitting on (only) dudes (hard), and yes, she is wearing grills as eyebrows, but listen beyond the ridiculous to the core of what she’s saying: she has the RIGHT to be ridiculous! We ALL do!  Do what you want, dance like you’re dumb, and shake them haters off!  Yeah, sure, she’s not the first person to say anything like this, but it’s so damn catchy and she’s so crazy that you have to take notice.  She’s number 5 on the Billboard Hot 100 (right under Pink and 4 below the only song by Cherry Chapstick I will ever admit to liking, which have the same message)!  She’s got girls looking at guys and girls on Plentyoffish.com in the video (no, but seriously, what’s with this site?  Why is everyone repping it?  Someone clarify please!).

We spend so much energy trying to be who people tell us to.  Girls don’t cut their hair because they don’t want to be mistaken for boys.  Boys make jokes about Anne Hathaway when they’d really like to be talking about Jake Gyllenhaal.  We identify as whatever orientation applies to the relationship we’re in because it takes so much effort to explain the real situation.  We wear the gender appropriate clothing because we’re scared of what someone would do if they knew who we really were on the inside.  We lie to ourselves and to everyone else to make it through the day.  It sucks, but we do it.  Stop for a minute, though.  What if we just…didn’t?  What if we took a page from the book of Dollar Sign?

I know what you’re thinking: wtf is wrong with you?  We’re supposed to be like the girl who wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy?  Well…yeah.  In terms of trashy, crazy, glittered up train wrecks, I can’t think of anyone worse than her, but look at how she navigates.  She.  Just.  Doesn’t.  Care.  She could find this post and read it and she would still release songs about wasting alcohol for non-drinking purposes.  I can’t stop her.  You can’t stop her.  What if we were like that?  What if, during this next year, we made a resolution to be unstoppable?

This can take many forms.  Some may decide to finally wear that skirt to school.  Some may blast Adam Lambert in front of their conservative relatives.  Some may sew that rainbow patch on their bag (or, for bonus fun, the pink, purple, and blue one!).  Some may finally get the nerve to hold their boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s hand on the bus.  Some may get the nerve to ask someone to be their boyfriend or girlfriend.  Some may dance on a tabletop in drag or glitter underwear.  It takes all kinds, folks.  The point is, there are tons of ways to be yourself, so why not just do it?  Assuming that you won’t actually die (and I understand that, in some cases, the possibility of death is real, so please protect yourselves), why hide?  Because it’s easier?  Than what?  Self-hatred is not easy.  Shame is not easy.  Letting the status quo go unchecked is not easy nor is it right.  People have fought for your right to be yourself.  People literally died for you to be here.  Show some respect.

Last New Year’s Eve, I had one of the best nights of my life because I, um, got a little crazy.  As I think back, a lot of the best nights and days of my life have come from being a little crazy.  I was willing to go out on a limb and just be myself.  I’ve come out to my classmates.  I’ve danced in drag.  I’ve held my girlfriend’s hand on the bus.  I’ve been called a bitch for getting into an argument over people calling something bad “gay.”  I’ve also held back.  I’ve stayed silent about my girlfriends.  I’ve refused to go to lesbian bars out of pure fear.  I’ve let people tell me I was a second class citizen.  I’d rather be honest.  I’d rather tell people I love them, I’d rather wear my rainbow tie to work, I’d rather tell a homophobe he’s secretly gay (even if I know he isn’t).  It’s so much more fulfilling and more likely to lead to things like admiration and making out.

So, as we prepare for the upcoming change of calendars, let us raise our glasses (see what I did there?) to us.  May we have the energy, the courage, and the integrity to follow the lead of a woman with a handcuff nail piercing.  May we confidently look to her in all her glory and think “hey…if she can be as out there as she wants, so can I!”.  May we stand as the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, ally, two-soul, pansexual, asexual, tomboy, metrosexual, and otherwise not boring people of the universe, hold our heads high, and be who the hell we are!  Happy New Year.  Rock the house.

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