It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

This time last year, I sang the praises of a very unlikely hero.

Hot...and dangerous.

This year, I figured I might want to focus on someone a little less…how do I put it…crazy looking?

Clearly, I failed.

Okay, that might have been a lie.  Follow me anyway, folks.

Allow me to introduce to you my newest musical obsession: Jessie J.  She is British.  She is Bisexual.  She is Bisexy.  She wrote the only Miley Cyrus song you will ever admit to liking.  She sings songs about being your awesome self and being so awesomely masculine that it turns your lipstick to spikes.  Wait, what?  Shh…just watch.

So, besides wanting these women to bench press me, why do I like this so much?  Well, first off, because it’s been ten minutes and I’ve already thought of three different meanings of “do it like a dude” that aren’t sexual.  Second, how many people are out there telling you to be (as a girl) you bad ass, hard ass self and not to apologize?  To cement my love, let’s watch one more, shall we?

That literally requires no explanation, but I’ll give one anyway.  A song about needing to stop torturing yourself for not being “perfect” and that it can be hard to be yourself.  What I really take away is one line in the chorus: it’s okay not to be okay.

How many people have told you that?  In a world where people are constantly trying to beat you down, beat you up, throw you out, you don’t hear that message very much.  It’s all about being average and normal and sticking to the status quo.  Turn on any Republican presidential debate and you’ll hear them spout some nonsense about how repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is leading to the utter destruction of our military (sidenote: no, it’s not), or that hating us is just the best campaign strategy (sidenote: no, it’s not) or that we all have the choice to be “normal.”  People have this idea in their heads that there’s a right way to be and a wrong way to be, and if you don’t fit into it, well, you’re screwed.  You’re cursed.  You’re damned.  You’re a whole bunch of things that they have no business bestowing you with.  Meanwhile, if you are exactly who you are, guess what?  The world doesn’t stop turning.  They keep saying that you need to be their version of “okay”?  Well, if that means sacrificing your true self, then frankly, I’m with Jessie.  It’s okay not to be okay.

Perhaps I’m not being clear right now.  I mean, what does “okay” even mean?  Am I saying that it’s okay to be weird?  Yep.  Am I saying it’s okay to differ from the norm?  Why yes, yes I am.  Am I saying that it’s okay to be crazy?  In a lot of circumstances, sure, just as long as it’s a safe kind of crazy (and if it’s the kind of crazy that should actually be called “mental illness”, then it’s okay to talk to someone and get help).  It’s okay to be a girl who shaves her head and wears tank tops and cargo shorts and can bench press a blog writer.  It’s okay to look like that and (gasp!) not be attracted to women.  It’s also okay to look like that and be attracted to women.  It’s okay to wear pink and high heels and be a boy just as much as it’s okay to wear all that and be a girl.  It’s okay to realize you’re trapped in the wrong body and want to do something about it.  It’s okay to realize that you don’t subscribe to whatever gender nonsense people keep going on about and refuse to be labeled as male or female.  It’s okay to feel one way sometimes and another way at other times.  It’s okay to like boys.  It’s okay to like girls.  It’s okay to like both.  It’s okay to like neither.  It’s okay to like everyone.  It’s okay to like yourself.

One of the funniest gay marriage discussions I’ve ever participated in involved two sisters under the age of 10.  One of them asked me if I had a wife or a husband.  The elder one immediately corrected her sister: “You mean husband.  She can’t have no wife.  That’s lesbian!”  I quickly praised her (she was right, that IS lesbian) and added a “so?” to the equation.  They looked at me strangely.  “What’s wrong with lesbians?” I asked.  They told me it was wrong.  I asked why.  They said because it was two girls.  Once again, “so?”  They repeated that it was wrong.  I asked why again.  They said because it was two girls.  This went on for five minutes before I told them that I wasn’t going to argue with them if they could produce one real reason why it was wrong (instead of just going in a circle).  They had to go home before they ever could.  This is the debate I feel like the world is having.  People are saying there’s something inherently wrong with other people.  Do they have facts to back that up?  They claim they do, but those are mostly made up.  Do they have popular opinion on their side?  Actually, not anymore, they don’t.  Do they even have religion to fight with?  They claim they do, but so much of that is wrapped up in history and context that, honestly, only an educated scholar should even be attempting to unravel it (and even then they risk hubris by claiming they fully understand its original intent).  So, basically, it’s just a bunch of people saying that something is wrong for the sake of being wrong.  That’s…stupid.  If that’s your idea of not okay, then yeah, once again, it’s okay not to be okay.

The New Year is just around the corner, and I want you all to know something: you’re amazing.  Not because you’re rainbow or rainbow supportive.  Not because you read this blog (but it helps, so keep doing it).  Not even because you stand for something.  You’re amazing because you’re here.  You’re amazing because you exist.  There is something about you that shines, I just know it.  Maybe someday I’ll meet you and be able to see it.  If not, that’s okay, because there are people around you who can see it just fine.  Find those people.  Be with them.  Be not okay together.  Don’t listen to the people on TV or at school or in worship who try to make you feel inferior.  Love are you love, be as you be, do as you do.  Have a Happy New Year.  See you in the future.